Spent most of last week wondering why I was abnormally unsatisfied with my life. Spent all of today, embracing germs and watching inane movies. Am now pretty happy.
I realized that dissatisfaction with life works in two ways: you aren't doing what you really want to do or you compare yourself with others that are seemingly happy. Typical buddhist issue: unnecessary desires increases unhappiness. My unhappiness doesn't so much stem from lack of liking what I do (although who wouldn't want more time to do everything) but from the bombardment of what I should be doing. I was seriously miserable this last week because my sister and brother were in town, one being recently engaged and the other cruising towards a new job and satisfaction with an adopted family of brilliant and cute people. Added onto the requirement that I needed to allocate almost all my time with the thoroughly unhappy and newly dependent parents with the sibs in town=unhappy me.
But now that I had time to be sick as a dog and have a good excuse to be by myself for a day, I've reassessed. I'm happy, fuck them. :)
2.23.2005
Better today, as I've accepted that I've just not that type of woman that uses and abuses men so much that they adore her. If I can't find a nice guy who adores me when I am fun, supportive, cute and loving, they can live a life of misery forever chasing after "the bitch."
But physically worse...all headpounding and backaching. M noted that I'm becoming quite OCD about the lysol, but when surrounded by the plague, lysol is nothing. Sickness is almost destiny. Especially when you run out of lysol and all you have left is lots of purell. Hence the sickness. Not sick enough to be an invalid although still want to lounge and sleep for days. Argh, blech.
Will think beyond physical pains and dream of the next poker game when I will squash the arrogance out of players who like to tell me about my tells.
But physically worse...all headpounding and backaching. M noted that I'm becoming quite OCD about the lysol, but when surrounded by the plague, lysol is nothing. Sickness is almost destiny. Especially when you run out of lysol and all you have left is lots of purell. Hence the sickness. Not sick enough to be an invalid although still want to lounge and sleep for days. Argh, blech.
Will think beyond physical pains and dream of the next poker game when I will squash the arrogance out of players who like to tell me about my tells.
2.22.2005
How to stay afloat today?
Feeling especially horrible about self today. Argh. Lack of sleep, money, happy relationships, and purpose in life, etc. Same old same old. Anywho, perspective all screwy because I have to entertain blissfully happy little sister visiting this week when all I want to do is curl up in a dark movie theater and barrage myself with seductive images of a different life. Ah, fighting demons and lung cancer...that's sounds good right now.
Feeling especially horrible about self today. Argh. Lack of sleep, money, happy relationships, and purpose in life, etc. Same old same old. Anywho, perspective all screwy because I have to entertain blissfully happy little sister visiting this week when all I want to do is curl up in a dark movie theater and barrage myself with seductive images of a different life. Ah, fighting demons and lung cancer...that's sounds good right now.
2.16.2005
The Kyoto treaty is now in effect, in hopes of reducing greenhouse emissions by many industrialized nations.
But not the US.
Other than the fact that Dubya has renounced any such thing as global warming, this is not shocking because the US has ratified (as in not just signed, but put into US law) maybe a handful of multilateral treaties. With lots of exemption clauses, etc etc. But how else could we be signed onto NATO and the UN and be able to enter a military operation against another nation without UN approval? Wait, is it considered an exemption if you just flat out lie? Anywho. Here is a list of some treaties that the US has either not ratified or backed out of...mostly due to opposition of conservatives who'd rather not give rights to women, children nor limit our ability to kill everything on the planet.
But not the US.
Other than the fact that Dubya has renounced any such thing as global warming, this is not shocking because the US has ratified (as in not just signed, but put into US law) maybe a handful of multilateral treaties. With lots of exemption clauses, etc etc. But how else could we be signed onto NATO and the UN and be able to enter a military operation against another nation without UN approval? Wait, is it considered an exemption if you just flat out lie? Anywho. Here is a list of some treaties that the US has either not ratified or backed out of...mostly due to opposition of conservatives who'd rather not give rights to women, children nor limit our ability to kill everything on the planet.
2.15.2005
Still here. Just bogged down with lots of crap, as usual. I really need to learn to simplify. And actually finish stuff on time. Here's the update:
-Bad girfriend moments. Couldn't get reservations for dinner at exclusive restaurant because stupid restaurants are exclusive. Realized there are no Baskin Robbins in the area when looking for requested ice cream cake for the boy's birthday. Wondered of poor taste and tempted to get Carvel. Instead went to Sugar Plum and cake went (mostly) uneaten. blech. Probably not due to cake but to stomach flu (more later). Boyfriend instead got CD.
-Gave up on writing paper only slightly late. Absolutely hate WWII.
-M left the house for the den of wood, taking leaky dog and dryer habit with her. V. sad. Cats are v. happy.
-Valentine's day was spent feeling nauseated and wondering if I was pregnant (probably not, just stomach flu...thanks M.) Roused myself for boyfriend time, wonderful dinner, and chocolate--the best kind--filled with peanut butter!
But enough about my damn self.
The most entertaining article I've seen on the Grammys! Much much better than I could have ever put it, and so nicely disparaging of all deserving folk (sorry Ben). You should read the whole thing but here are some of the best lines:
-Bad girfriend moments. Couldn't get reservations for dinner at exclusive restaurant because stupid restaurants are exclusive. Realized there are no Baskin Robbins in the area when looking for requested ice cream cake for the boy's birthday. Wondered of poor taste and tempted to get Carvel. Instead went to Sugar Plum and cake went (mostly) uneaten. blech. Probably not due to cake but to stomach flu (more later). Boyfriend instead got CD.
-Gave up on writing paper only slightly late. Absolutely hate WWII.
-M left the house for the den of wood, taking leaky dog and dryer habit with her. V. sad. Cats are v. happy.
-Valentine's day was spent feeling nauseated and wondering if I was pregnant (probably not, just stomach flu...thanks M.) Roused myself for boyfriend time, wonderful dinner, and chocolate--the best kind--filled with peanut butter!
But enough about my damn self.
The most entertaining article I've seen on the Grammys! Much much better than I could have ever put it, and so nicely disparaging of all deserving folk (sorry Ben). You should read the whole thing but here are some of the best lines:
Band No. 4 is the mysterious Maroon 5 with that song I hear all the time at the gym. Catchy! The lead singer looks like Keanu Reeves and the keyboardist looks like a PIRG canvasser. They won't be around next year.
There's a reason these two haven't sung together in public before. It's because Marc Anthony is humiliatingly better than Jennifer Lopez. At least with Ben Affleck, it was an even match of talentlessness; the equivalent to J.Lo performing with Marc Anthony would be Affleck hitching his wagon to Frances McDormand.
Green Day has released a concept album with a unique concept: "All the songs are good."
Next year it could easily be Christina Aguilera paying tribute to Billie Holliday, Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey singing the songs of Kenny and Dolly, and J.Lo doing a forbidden, fully synthesized dance with her new husband, Colin Farrell.
2.07.2005
Who's playing in the Superbowl?
Ah, have absolutely no comment on the Superbowl as I really didn't even know who was playing until the day of, and it really didn't improve my life to know. Watched part of the 1st half, remembered why I don't watch football regularly. Football is too soft what with all the padding and stopping. Professional rugby is 100% more entertaining and dangerous--possibly justifying why they are paid millions. Anywho, enough about something I could care less about.
Woke up anxious that didn't accomplish a thing this weekend except maintaining of sanity, spending time with the boy, mindless video game watching, continuing Gilmore Girls plot development, and lots of potato-chip eating. Forget WWII paper, "thinking outside of the box" for report on foreign currency losses, home improvement, and that oh so frivolous cleaning. Nothing like punching holes and organizing to soothe the soul and avoid work. Very happy now, a la bouncing monk.
Ah, have absolutely no comment on the Superbowl as I really didn't even know who was playing until the day of, and it really didn't improve my life to know. Watched part of the 1st half, remembered why I don't watch football regularly. Football is too soft what with all the padding and stopping. Professional rugby is 100% more entertaining and dangerous--possibly justifying why they are paid millions. Anywho, enough about something I could care less about.
Woke up anxious that didn't accomplish a thing this weekend except maintaining of sanity, spending time with the boy, mindless video game watching, continuing Gilmore Girls plot development, and lots of potato-chip eating. Forget WWII paper, "thinking outside of the box" for report on foreign currency losses, home improvement, and that oh so frivolous cleaning. Nothing like punching holes and organizing to soothe the soul and avoid work. Very happy now, a la bouncing monk.
2.01.2005
Herman: the Hunted.
Also known as: well, hello my name is Herman, and I like to chew structural beams.
You're thinking, awwww, so cute! Yeah right. Like with raccoons, cuteness doesn't mask the devious intent to destroy!
Herman, my temporary squirrely visitor, kept me up last night, gnawing away at something (probably very important and roof-supporting) right above my head. I should have known he had dropped by since the cats have been intently staring at the ceiling in my bedroom for the last couple of weeks. But the gnawing--the insane endless scratching--was never noticeable until now.
Woke up thinking that I was in some kind of late night sci-fi moment, eyes bugged out in fright, and looking all around like I would find an alien monster hanging from my ceiling, dripping acid saliva, and making insistent chewing sounds. When I realized that no, it was not extraterrestrial, just painfully annoying and definitely destructive, I knew what it was. But I couldn't convince myself to look into the attic until morning as I couldn't stomach getting up out of a warm bed just to have a rabid squirrel gnaw my face off. Or possibly having my jaw ripped off by some scratching angry Japanese ghost (the probability was low, but hey, it's 2 am).
Anywho, checked in the morning, saw a fist-sized hole and lots of insulation pouring out of it and knew it wasn't a cranky ghost or a bat (I would have kept the bat). I dubbed the bugger Herman. Called company specializing in rodent remover (interesting job), hillbilly answered, and felt assured that he knew how to catch this here skwer-rel.
Hope not to come home to absolute collapse of house. Damn squirrels.
Also known as: well, hello my name is Herman, and I like to chew structural beams.
You're thinking, awwww, so cute! Yeah right. Like with raccoons, cuteness doesn't mask the devious intent to destroy!
Herman, my temporary squirrely visitor, kept me up last night, gnawing away at something (probably very important and roof-supporting) right above my head. I should have known he had dropped by since the cats have been intently staring at the ceiling in my bedroom for the last couple of weeks. But the gnawing--the insane endless scratching--was never noticeable until now.
Woke up thinking that I was in some kind of late night sci-fi moment, eyes bugged out in fright, and looking all around like I would find an alien monster hanging from my ceiling, dripping acid saliva, and making insistent chewing sounds. When I realized that no, it was not extraterrestrial, just painfully annoying and definitely destructive, I knew what it was. But I couldn't convince myself to look into the attic until morning as I couldn't stomach getting up out of a warm bed just to have a rabid squirrel gnaw my face off. Or possibly having my jaw ripped off by some scratching angry Japanese ghost (the probability was low, but hey, it's 2 am).
Anywho, checked in the morning, saw a fist-sized hole and lots of insulation pouring out of it and knew it wasn't a cranky ghost or a bat (I would have kept the bat). I dubbed the bugger Herman. Called company specializing in rodent remover (interesting job), hillbilly answered, and felt assured that he knew how to catch this here skwer-rel.
Hope not to come home to absolute collapse of house. Damn squirrels.